Kidnap my heart.

Wednesday, October 22, 200811:04 AM

MY BF IS THE BEST!

Yesterday I finally realised that. Took quite sometime for me to realise but I think it is still not too late.
My previous post stated that I am very piss right? But when I open my office door and walk out, he was standing outside waiting for me. Haha. So surprise and happy! Luckily I can control my temper well, so when he told me he can't send me to school though I was so piss, I didn't give any attitude or throw temper at him if not I would have spoil everything. :)

And and and, after he send me home yesterday night, my elder sis told me she went drinking alone. At that moment, I thought of asking Ed to help, but he was having fun outside and he doesn't want to help. Piss and angry for 5 sec, I call jian and he agree immediately. I really thank him a lot. So he went down to Vic to find da jie. I was so touch when he was so tired and having his leg injured, he still went down to look after da jie for me so that I can sleep well at night.

Secondly, Su, the waitress there, nearly get me into trouble. Cos she overheard Jian's conversation with Da Jia and she heard my name, so she was asking them, "oh, u all know shu yi?" And she still asked them whether they know Ed and said he is my bf, bla bla bla. Jian suddenly called me to clarify things with me, really shocked me and I was so afraid I will lose him during that moment. That was when I know I can't afford to lose him. But I don't need to explain much, I just told jian we are really over and he choose to believe me than Su, though I know actually there are still things I am hiding from him. Things like, going to Vic with Ed and getting so close to him just not long ago. Afterall, that was already a past tense. I swear I won't ever do it again. Then Jian drop me a sms and ask me not to worry cos he believe and trust me cos that is love. I was so touch that he really appreciate and trust me so much. I was so happy that I didn't give my love to a wrong person. I gave it to someone who trust me and someone who don't find me wild and cheapo when he know about my past.

I was so happy that I couldn't get to sleep. While lying on my bed, I keep on thinking about the past with Jian. Times when he hurt me and times when I hurt him. Times when he change so much just trying to get me back. It was really a 180 degree change and when he said change he really change without taking a long time.
I really regret the times when I lie and cheat on him cos of Ed. I find myself so bad and mean. But Jian still forgive me cos he said it was the past.
I have to thank Ed of cos, if not for him, Jian wouldn't change cos he doesn't have a competitor. He will still be the same old Jian with bad temper. Really all thanks to Ed. Thank u so much.

People who doesn't know what is happening and reading this post will think that I am so unfair to Ed. But no. I don't owe him anything cos he owe me much more than I owe him. Yes, he is Mr Nice guy to do everything for me like sending me to work and fetching me home wasting a lot of petrol. I appreciate it for everything he does but he doesn't know how to appreciate things I have done for him. Things like, feeling so tired and cause me to have headache cos of him. Going to work feeling tired and screw up all my work which cause my boss was so disappointed with me. Accompanied him even when i'm fucking tired and sacrificing my beauty sleep to go to his house to accompany him, cook for him and I still have to act so decent in front of his parents to please them so that they will like me. I even behave like a super good housewife when I went to his grandma house and clearing up everything that we eat when nobody was doing that cos they have a maid and never once I have done that at my own house unless my mum force me to. But still, i'm doing it so that I can please his parents. Somemore sticking to him like a super glue and neglecting my times with friends and family, only go drinking with him and try not to get myself drunk to prove him something but people does not appreciate and even accused me of cheating on him. What does this show? All that i've done for him is fake? What does he have? He is not handsome, even though he got a car, so? He is not very rich either. I can find someone richer if I really wants money, he wont even be in the list. Somemore he is jobless now, having no life everyday except having fun outside. Zq always said I don't deserve him but he don't know anything. What does he know? He only listen to one sided story so what he said is not reliable.
Only a loser will asked his friend to sms me when he can't take it. I bet yesterday night he should be acting pitiful cos there are girls around, that's why don't know which of his friend sms me and ask me not to disturb him. It's my phone, it's my hand, I am free to do anything I want. Who are u to me that I have to listen to u? I didn't sms him after that was not because I listen to his friend, it was because I was so tired as it was already 2am and I don't want to spoil my happy day too. I want to go to bed smiling and have a sweet dreams.

Yessterday I really realised I have to let him go. On Sunday when Jian was still jealous about me keeping Ed's sms and photo in my phone, he took it and I thought he was going to delete it. I teared. I know Jian will feel damn hurt for sure cos he saw me tearing when I thought he wanted to delete Ed's sms. After thinking of it yesterday night, I feel so bad to Jian. So I took my phone and deleted all Ed's sms and pictures and I don't even feel anything at all. I read all the msgs again for the last time before I delete it and I find it all bullshitting. Guys are jerk who always bullshit. Only Jian won't cos he is a man. Man don't bullshit. Haha.
I saw his msn contact is still under the group name "beloved dar". So I move his contact under "friends" and deleted the group name "beloved dar" too.
The only things that I didn't delete is the recording Ed send to me. I kept it cos I want to remind myself not to fall for such guys again and I want to remind myself that is how he hurt me and he still owe me and also to remind myself not to go back to him anymore.
In his eyes, i'm still the wild and cheapo girl. Since he always think of me like that and said how good the girl is, then go for her lah. Don't need to be so proud of it. I'm not surprise girls will like u. Good for her then, cos I am the victim who get the hurt and make him learn how to treat her gf good next time. I am also a victim to get so much pressure from his family side and now his family doesn't care about the standard of his gf anymore. So the next gf doesn't need to act so well like me. So this is what Ed owe me. Cos this is what i've done for him but didn't get appreciated in the end. What he owe me he can never pay me back even if he jump into the yellow river.
Some people are just so proud and arrogant thinking that he is the only one who can help me just because he got a car. But sad to say I still got my Wen Jian Laogong. Even there's no him, I got no lack of friends and suitors. What makes him think that only him can give me the best? He is not a superman or god. He is only a human and he got no supernatural power. So everyone is equal. Don't need to be so arrogant cos I can do what he can do. I don't need to rely on him. So what he got a car? Is not as if I got no money to take cab if there's emergency. I don't need his help at all.

yes, he don't have to help me cos he said he is afraid the feelings will come back again and he won't standby for me 24 hour. I don't need to. He wants me to have a taste of how he have felt before. He can but not when someone might be in danger. Not funny to play with. If want to let me have a taste of it, at least on other things. But sad to tell him I will never have a taste of it cos I got tonnes of friends and people who are willing to help me and be with me when I need someone. Cos I socialize around, I don't sit in a corner keeping quiet. I got lots of friends. Maybe he don't. Yes, I ignore him when he was sad. But tell me how to show concern for a person when u have decided to end everything and he still insist of having u back. The more u concern the more he will think he still got a chance right? That was all for his own good. When he have thought it over, didn't I still meet him, replying his sms and went out with him? Selfish minded will always be selfish minded. Leopard will never change it's spot. Guys are so petty nowadays.

I got no lack of friends, I bet I got more friends than him. So it is nothing to me even if I lost one like him. I don't need someone who is so arrogant and only want advantage or motive when he helps me.

Once again, thank u my dear Edric for waking me up and realised everything. I made up my mind, I only have jian and he is the only one for me doing anything for me without complain. He loves me so he loves my family too. Money and cars can't buy happiness. I am happy and contented now with him. The most important thing is to be happy.

Suddenly thought of a song when I was chatting with er jie in msn during the time I went back to Jian. Er jie said if I choose Jian I have no car to sit anymore and I sang this to her:
"Cos if I got jian, I don't need money, I don't need car, Jian u are my all! and oh........."

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