Yesterday night, I share the room with er jie cos da jie has moved back to stay. Had a short chat er jie and I miss the times when the 3 of us sharing the same room when we were very young. We would be talking non stop at night before we sleep till daddy or mummy will come into the room and scold us. Sometimes we will talk till mummy came in and we pretend to sleep to avoid scolding. That was the fun days I had. I suddenly miss childhood so much. I really miss it. Can time be rewind?

Feeling so 'emo' now. I don't know what to say. I read the forum about that stupid customer criticizing my mum again. I really feel like killing him. How I wish I could stab him with a knife but I won't kill him. I will torture him till he knee down and beg me and close that forum.
The world is ugly. Why do people and animal have to grow up in this kind of cruel world?

I guess I will be away for this weekend since it is a long weekend. I will be going to somewhere at Malaysia.

Yesterday er jie told me there's nothing call forever. Even humans will die someday. She said that we were too naive and believe in fairytales when we were young and she won't allow her future children to watch fairytale so that they won't be so naive and get cheated by people next time. We used to tell our friend in primary and secondary school friends forever. But does such things as forever exist? Probably the next year u and your friends got into different classes u had already make new friends and forget about the old friends u once told them "friends forever".

As u grew older, when u get into a relationship, u told ur bf/gf "I love u forever" but break up after weeks or months later. What does forever means? That only happen in fairytale. I used to believe in fairytale till someone taught me to face the reality. Thinking back, I was once a stupid and naive person. I become so heartless now that I do things without sparing a thought for others. Even when I saw someone(who has a place in my heart) cried that day I feel nothing. I don't feel guilty. I guess my heart has died. I don't even know who is my bf now. Suddenly thought of a day when Gui Qing chat with me in msn. She told me, when she read my blog she don't even know who is my bf.

Clubbing is an activity for u to forget about everything at that moment. When u drink until so high and dance like u never dance before. Shout all u want to release ur anger and stress and that is a place when nobody cares about how loud u had shouted cos nobody can hear it anyway. Haha. Cry for all u want cos nobody can see u crying cos it is too dark over there. Isn't it a good place to release stress?

The basketball match yesterday was so not exciting. I saw Michael Wong yesterday. He is in Eng Tat team. So handsome lor. At least there is something nice to watch. Haha. SAFSA lose to Eng Tat (of cos). Halfway during the match, I saw a group of old uncle standing very far away from me, and they were getting into a fight. Then I told da jie, got people fighting leh, da jie thought was someone in the team then she ask me where and I pointed to the uncle far far away and she was laughing la. She said like that I also can see, somemore it is not part of the match. Lol.
Yesterday match was a wasted trip. But at least the 2 match got Michael Wong and Wei Long so it is not that bored.
It was raining heavily when I was going home and somehow get caught in the rain. Saw Eric and I almost cannot recognize him.

It's lesson today again. Hopefully I am able to find my notebook. *Pray hard* I am so careless that I left it under the desk. Was feeling quite sad yesterday when I realised it. Haiz.

Tomorrow will be friday again!!!!!!! I love friday cos it is the beginning of my weekend. :) And da jie is going to move back tomorrow. Should I be happy or sad? Cos if Da Jie move in, I will have to share the room with er jie again which I don't like. Cos she always sleep damn fucking early and always scold me when I am talking on the phone at night and ask me to go outside to talk. Argh! When can I have a room on my own?

I received an e-mail today from my aunt, "What is human pursuing in life?" Quite a meaningful e-mail. Seriously I don't have a goal and I don't know what am I pursuing in life. Life is short, so we should treasure and cherish our time and use it wisely.

Received a sms from one of my classmate today and she was hospitalised. That means she will miss out a lot of lesson. She was not well ever since cost accounting module starts. Last week she was still ok and only told me she was having fever, and I actually make a joke in class with Mr Bala and told him that because she went to Geylang to eat the Indian Rojak that's why she fall sick. Then after receiving her sms today I feel bad. If I didn't make a joke, maybe something not so serious will happen. It seems like i'm cursing her and get her condition worst. That's why Edric always ask me not to make a joke cause it will happen.

I was having my stick in the office and I thought of Aisha again, and I decided to help her copy her notes since she is missing out so many lesson, and I even thought of visiting her and pass her all the homeworks and notes to teach her so that she won't feel bored in the hospital and she can catch up with the lesson. See, i'm not a bad classmate right? Haha.

So well, last friday was a public holiday. Edric brought my family to JB. I was quite happy cos we didn't go out as a family for a long time. We went to holiday plaza to shop and Danga Bay at night. We were caught in the jam for 1 and a half hour and I somehow regretted going. Wasted a lot of time. Overall it was a fun outing with my family and him. :)

Suppose to go to Bugis and Sing on Saturday morning with my sis and her friends but I was too tired to wake up as I reach home at 3 the previous night. So I continue to watch my dvd and slept in the afternoon when I promised my sis I will meet them at 4. End up I woke up at 3 plus. Meet them at 5.30 and we went to Joanna birthday. It was fun initially, but when they started playing mahjong, I feel bored. Reminds me of how Jian play poker mahjong when I was there and neglected me and I seriously hate people who play mahjong or poker mahjong. I still remember once I was so angry with him cos we went out to watch basketball match and the moment we reach home and when I came out from the toilet, he had already sat down and play. And I seriously hate it cos they can play for one whole day and I mean 1 whole day except for dinner or lunch then they take a break and continue after that.
Ok, back to where I am, I fell asleep halfway while watching tv at Joanna house till 11 plus er jie woke me up and ask me whether I want to go home. Edric came to pick me up even when we are not going anywhere but he just came to send me home. I'm really very happy and appreciate.

Went to Queensway shopping centre on Sunday to accompany Edric to look for his shoes. Couldn't find any. Wasted trip. But we went to watch basketball match at night and the match was very exciting. I enjoyed the whole weekend with him. And and and, I didn't drink for the whole for last week. Hahahaha. My kik is here again. Anyway, this wednesday, butter factory got free entry for ladies and free flow booze from 10pm to 1am.

Lesson again tonight and I am looking forward to lesson every week. :) This is the last module and I'm going to enjoy as much as I can. Suddenly I love going to lesson which is so weird as studying is always not my interest.

I love my dad cos he send me to work today. Haha. Pretty lame I know. This morning when I woke up, I feel so damn lazy that I have to train to work today. And I think of the crowd of people taking trains in the morning and me standing all the way from Woodlands to Paya Lebar I was so damn lazy to go to work la. Then Edric still call me to wake me up for work (cos he is going to KL this morning) so that I won't be late and wasting money to take cab and it reminds me of taking train to work again. Yawnz.
How I wish I can strike toto or 4D and get myself a licence and a car. Haha.

So I thought mummy's friend will be sending her to work cos I saw mummy preparing to go for work, and I will always hitch a ride from her colleague to office but mummy said oh, there is no driver today. Haiz. Then daddy ask me to help him to do something so I told him I will be late for work if I help him. The thought then just came to my mind, and I just try my luck and said, u send me to work then I help u la. He was very reluctant then after awhile he said ok la. I was super happy as if I just strike a 1 million toto. Lol.
Somemore my dad is the lazy type who will always send halfway then ask u to take train from there. But today he send me to my office block I was so happy. :) and dad seldom do that. Only my sis and mum will know. Somemore my dad came back very late from work every night like 4 or 5am. I was surprise that he actually woke up so early today. :) Perhaps god pity me for studying for exams and knows that I am tired. Lol.

Enough of all the crap, talking about exam, yesterday was having Business Statistic paper. It was quite ok. Hopefully can pass. Higher accounting paper tomorrow. I have zero confidence. I just hope the paper will be over and I can go for party, drinks and fun nights out again.

I had a bad dream yesterday night again. Yes, AGAIN. Recently, and very often, I always dreamt of someone's death. It could be someone close to me, or someone not very close to me. I don't know why I always dream of a person's death when they are still alive. Chinese belief that if u dream of someone's death, then u will have a shorter life and give ur few years of life to that someone who u dreamt of. If it is really true, then I guess I had already give 20 years of life to alot of people. Lol.
So I was curious about my dreams and I went to google for the interpretation. I nearly laugh out loud in the office when I read it.
"Intensely dramtic or emotional death dreams may occur for the addict or alcholic not yet commited to the recovery process."
I guess it was due to my alcohol addict already lor. Somemore due to the exams, I didn't drink for like 2 weeks going to 3 weeks already.

Didn't blog for quite long already cos I was preparing for my exams. I am not acting studious hor, like most of my friends said. I just want to clear everything and not to stress about it anymore. Somemore 1 paper cost me 120 bucks and I am paying it on my own ok? Not like many others out there who still got mummy or daddy to pay for ur school fees, exam fees and everything. Ever since I finished my Os, I seldom or should I say never, take money from my parents anymore. Poor me. :(

Last Sunday, my whole family went to Johor for Ching Ming(Remembrance of Ancestors Day). Was quite happy lah, cos seldom got the chance that the whole family went out together in my dad's car which I always miss during our childhood day. And we will chat, joke and everything together. But last Sunday is not like the past anymore. I'm the only one who is doing most of the talking in the car I guess. Well, as among the 3 of us, i'm closer with my dad. Don't know why both my sis seldom talk to him, but I always try to talk to him even we don't have many common topics to talk about. But most of the times I will try to find some topics about cars, carpark, HDB or govt things to talk to him. Sometimes when it is only me and him we talk about the past and his past with mummy too. Sometimes he even told me about his 2nd wife when he and mummy divorce. I guess maybe I am more open-minded and can talk about everything in the world which was what mummy says about me. Can u imagine that mummy's colleague can talk to me about how he is mesmerize about my mum? I can even talk about such things with him when I don't know him well. Lol.

GRANDPARENTS STORY
OK, back to ching ming, we went to great grandmother's grave first then to my grandfather's grave. Then I thought of the times when my grandfather pass away at the funeral. Grandma was still there helping out and telling "stories" about my grandpa. Then I thought of how badly my grandpa used to treat her in the past. I can say my grandpa is not a very good husband. He used to gamble alot, drinks alot and always abuse my grandma. Thought I nv see it, when I think of it I feel quite sad for her. I can't imagine if I am being treated this way by my future husband, I think I will just divorce him and press charges against him. So I think all these years, my grandma is very strong cos he nv went out to find other guys again when they are separated. Neither do my grandpa. But he still drink and gamble. But since I was born, if I see my grandpa, I won't see grandma, if I see grandma, I won't see grandpa. That's bcos they never want to see each other and avoid seeing each other. Can u imagine a husband and wife never see each other for like 40 years? And during the days that my grandpa was hospitalised for a few months, my grandma didn't went to visit him too. But I don't know what change my grandma mind that suddenly one day my grandma went to visit him, definitely she won't go alone, she went with her sister. The moment my grandpa saw her, he cried. Till now I still don't know the reason why he cried, but I guess bcos he was touched by my grandma? Maybe he was guilty that all those years he nv cherish her but abuse her and treated her badly in the past?
I forget what was their conversations cos it happen a few years ago and I still don't understand what is love at that time.
But since then, my grandma still visit him sometimes. I think all these years grandma was just waiting for grandpa to apologise to her cos grandma is the egoistic but soft hearted type. Girls and women are all like that what. Or maybe my family girls got this type of genes cos all my female relatives are like that.
During the night when the hospital called, grandma actually went out like 1am to johor to see him for the last time. And before my grandpa was dying, he couldn't talk anymore. My grandma was beside him, touching him, sayang him and ask him to rest peacefully. Grandpa was in tears and he pass away.
I was thinking so are there still love when they were old? Somemore they never see each other for 40 years and all this while they hated each other. If I were grandma, I won't forgive my husband for treating me that way. So grandma is really very forgiving. What makes me suddenly think about all this cos when we went to grandpa's grave, grandma's name was beside ma, but they use a red towel to cover it cos my grandma is still alive la. How can someone wants to be buried with someone who used to abuse her?

Anyway, I shouldn't be blogging here, got to to revise on higher accounting.